mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
