absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
