Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
