help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
