i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
