Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize