Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
