I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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