how can u be prego again
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
