u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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