nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
