At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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