Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
