He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
