So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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