She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
be right there i have to get my cape
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
