Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
