I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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