I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize