is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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