Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
