i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
