I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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