And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
