I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
