Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
