sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
