i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
