You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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