I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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