who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Are we still banned from the library?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
