dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
