Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
