WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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