dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
