I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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