he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
