maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
