I wish I could teleport
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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