I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
