I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize