I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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