your parents love me but you hate me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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