i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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