She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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