we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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