I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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