I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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