Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
