That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think my vagina is haunted
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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