Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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