I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize