it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
