I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
