i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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