if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
