he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
