ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
zippers are such a cool invention
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize