you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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