Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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