cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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