My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I see more hoeing in ur future
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
