Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
