did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
