i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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