i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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