her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
