okay pat passed out under dana's car
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
