i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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