I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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