i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
FUCK WHALES
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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