Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
