john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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