I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
