I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
